Several times a year, I put heavy makeup on my young daughters’ faces. I spray and gel their hair to within an inch of their lives. And then, to finish the look, I add hair pieces. Oh – and the false eyelashes! I wouldn’t dream of sending them out the door without those.
I do all this, and am happy to do so.
I am a dance mom.
And I’m learning that this is a controversial thing.
I grew up with dance shoes on my feet.
From the ages of 4-22, I spent several days a week doing what I love – practicing leaps and turns, and learning new choreography. I find myself tap dancing any time I’m on a hard surface. My favorite way to get a workout in is Zumba. And I beg my children to play Just Dance on the Wii with me.
I love it.
So I was thrilled when both of my girls fell in love with the sport too.
After testing out a couple of studios that weren’t a great fit for our family, we found one that was perfect for us. The dances are age appropriate. The music is never raunchy. The teachers care about my girls. I’ve made new friendships with other parents there. My girls look forward to going every time.
But between a heated debate on my FB wall (more details on that here) and a shocking comment regarding the ‘sexiness’ of dance on another blog, I’m learning that not everybody is a fan of the art form.
Yes, there is stage makeup involved (though my girls do not wear cosmetics on a day to day basis, of course!), and yes, there are two piece outfits. And this truly bothers some people. I get it.
Every decision we make for our family is made with care. We weigh our options and talk them over. We don’t make any moves lightly when it comes to our children’s commitments. You may not agree with the ones we make – and that’s just fine with me.
My husband is strongly against our son playing football, as he knew too many people with serious head injuries as a result of playing. You may have six sons all signed up for the game this fall – and that’s just fine with me.
We don’t have to agree with one another’s parenting decisions. What’s right for your family may be entirely wrong for ours. I believe we spend so much time thinking about the moves others are making that we lose sight of finding our own way – whether it’s letting our babies cry it out or not, or letting our college grads move back home or not.
My girls are learning confidence, the importance of commitment, the discipline of practicing and more through their dance experience. You might think it’s crazy.
But we think it’s crazy fun. And that’s good enough for our family.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject in the comments below!
24 comments
I get the healthy, fun part of dance. I really don’t get the makeup and most of the costumes. If it is really about doing something fun and healthy at the same time as learning confidence, discipline, leadership and dedication — why make little girls become something different at competition with makeup, false eyelashes, etc. This mom isn’t against dance. Let them dance. Let them compete. Let them be little girls. The focus should be on their skills in competition.
Every day we make choices for our children. We even have to resist the urge to follow the rest of the herd. Because sometimes, the herd heads off the cliff.
I wish there was a rise among dance moms to say let my child be judged for his/her skills alone.
I hear you. Your argument is one I hear often. But from my point of view, the cosmetics are as important as the rest of it, for several reasons. Number one – the biggest part of a team dance is synchronicity and looking exactly the same as the others you’re dancing with. The cosmetics help to create this on a higher level. Secondly – facial expressions are an important part of dance, as part of the art form of it all. Without cosmetics, facial expressions are lost under the bright lights. It’s the same with theater – you wouldn’t be able to see the expression of the actor without the aid of the makeup he or she wears. But, interestingly, you never hear this argument against wearing theater makeup.
I totally get what you’re saying, but I don’t feel I’m following the herd here. I understand the reasoning behind my choice, and it feels right to me. I think my daughters are gorgeous without makeup. But it’s a performance, and performances call for more than everyday norms.
Thanks for taking the time to offer your opinion! 🙂
I love dance, love the artistry and physical expression. However, I worry that in a society where girls and women are already sexualized and valued for all the wrong reasons, how far should we go in encouraging our girls to look like Barbie dolls or Miss America, or in admiring these as a standard of beauty?
I just think they are so vulnerable already to the pervasive thought that beauty is on the outside….why mask their proudest artistic accomplishments in stereotypical ‘feminine’ attire? To me if feels like objectification.
This would be my views for my family. However, I really agree with you that it’s a personal and family decision and I would define your right to make these choices.
Believe me, I totally hear what you’re saying. As someone who struggled with image issues and an eating disorder for years, those topics play into my every decision for my girls. There are a lot of studios that choose costumes that I would never feel comfortable allowing my girls to wear. Our studio happens to choose costumes that, while form fitting and definitely “feminine,” feel age appropriate to me, and vital to the role they play in portraying the spirit of the dance. And again – I’d argue that people don’t seem to have the same issue with theater and costuming. I’m curious – does it bother you that men in dance typically wear form fitting costumes and cosmetics?
I appreciate that you presented your view point in a respectful and thoughtful way – truly I do. 🙂
I love that you touch on this subject Cate! I too am a dance Mom and several times a year I put make-up on my 11 year old daughter! She loves dance, the thrill of competition and the art of dance in general. Learning new choreography and practicing it to perfection is so much fun for her. She has gained an amazing amount of confidence over the past 9 years, confidence that my husband and I believe will carry her into her adult life.
I’ve heard all of the negative comments before about dance, make-up ect.. and while I believe people are entitled to their opinion the make-up doesn’t bother me as much anymore. (It did, believe me) It’s acting, she’s on a stage and all actors and actresses have to wear make-up:) She has no desire to wear make-up outside of competing because it’s kind of like “been there done that,” so she throws her sweats on and pulls her hair back and calls it a day!
Thanks for touching on this and I appreciate everyone’s wonderful, respectful comments on this controversial subject!
Audrey