Five Ways My Stay At Home Children Are Socialized

I’m willing to bet most of us have either thought it or heard it in some way, shape or form. “I choose to send my kids to daycare because they need to be socialized.” This is a biggie for me, potentially because of my background studying sociology.  When deciding to stay home with my children, the one single concern I had was whether or not my children would lack socialization by being home with me.  I wanted to ensure they were given enough opportunities to conform, yet to have their own ideas and minds.  To understand norms and cultures.  Today, and two young kiddos later, I feel that my children are given tremendous amounts of opportunities in this area and it’s only just begun.  And as wonderful as daycare can be for this, it is completely and utterly achievable with stay at home kids, too, don’t you think?

First off, let’s address what socialization means to us.  I want my kids to play with peers. I want them to be comfortable being cared for by others aside from family. I want them to know that sometimes mom has to go, but that I will come back.  That I can’t always be the one to help. I want them to learn to share. To take turns. To communicate appropriately with other children and adults as well. And most importantly, to be guided and shown how to be moral, responsible and confident contributors to society. In my eyes, all of those things I just listed are my ideas of socializing my children.  For more on what Wikipedia has to say on socialization, go here.

With that, in my humble opinion, here are Five Ways My Stay At Home Children Are Socialized

1. Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE)/Preschool:
One morning a week, my 8-month old son, Jude, has his ECFE class with mommy where we sing songs, play with other kids, have snack time and clean up.  We have done this since my daughter  Georgia, 2.5, was a newborn and I absolutely love this option.  The babies/toddlers get wonderful social and learning time and the parents discuss challenges, joys and so much more.  Both Georgia and I have met some really wonderful friends through this program and I’m excited for Jude to have his turn.  This is the first year we will not be doing ECFE with Georgia (although it is still a wonderful option for her age) and we’ve enrolled her in a preschool program two mornings a week.  This will be a huge change for all of us as I have always gone to “school”/ ECFE with her, but she will be on her own at her new preschool and she is very excited.  My guess is that this may be a little tougher on mama than it will be Georgia 😉 Through my research, I have found there are so many wonderful, non-intense preschool programs for 3-year olds, which is exactly what we were looking for.  We wanted something faith-based with structure and discipline in a safe learning environment, but also something that is fun and will allow my almost 3-year old to be an almost 3-year old.  There will be only 7 other children in the  class so the teachers will be able to be very hands on.  They will do arts and crafts and learning excercises, have lots of play time, share snack time and a ton of other wonderful activities like songs and sensory exercises.  Both ECFE and preschool offer a healthy dose of peer interaction for my children (and myself!) while also learning….not just numbers and letters and the concrete stuff, but also learning social things… like playing with other kids, cleaning up, routine, how to go to a teacher for help, structure and respect.

2. The Gym:
We go to a gym that offers childcare and selfishly, I’m not sure who benefits most from this, me or the kids. I feel so blessed to have this as an option. It’s my time to burn some steam and focus on myself and it’s my kiddos’ time to run and play. There are teachers, art projects, play systems and tons of other kids to run around with. And while there is not much structure involved, my kids really learn so much here socially. While the teachers are very hands on with Jude, my toddler, Georgia, has the opportunity to fend for herself, in a way. The teachers are there to help when they are needed and do some playing with the kids, too. But mostly they are just monitoring to make sure all the kids are safe and happy. I believe this is so healthy for Georgia. She runs and plays and chats with peers non-stop. To some extent, I want my kids to learn to work things out with other kids on their own. To be able to approach another child and ask if they can play, too. To learn that socially, it’s give and take and that others want to be around us when we are kind and joyful to be around and visa versa.  And that, unfortunately, things are not always fair.

3. Being Home, Just Us:
I know, how can being home “socialize” my kids? In my opinion, things we do in our homes prepare us for the world socially. Learning to clean up. To help with laundry. To make our bed. To wash our hands after going potty every time.  To have some downtime and rest when we need it.  To care for ourselves and our family. We cannot be healthy, active members of society if we do not learn and practice the basics. Along with doing these things for my kids, I try to keep them included and allow them to participate. I don’t think it’s ever too early…and afterall, the sooner I can teach them to fold the laundry and empty the dishwasher the sooner I score, big time 😉

4. Running Errands:
According to my husbands calculations, I visit Target an average of 432 times a week…am I alone here? And as much as I wish I could make a quick run on my own, I’m usually bringing the kids along with me. This also goes for the grocery store, the dry cleaners and everything in between. The benefit for my kids? They are learning to help. To make a list. To follow the list.  To make environmentally conscious choices. To price compare. That things don’t just show up on our doorstep for us to eat and use and wear… we choose them carefully and we work hard for them. These are important so that they can understand the value of work and the value of what we have in our home, both instrumental in shaping them to be wonderful members of society.  We often think our kiddos are too young to be taught these things but I have to remind myself that they are watching..and listening..and absorbing.

5. Play Dates:
I know there is controversy out there about them, but I think they can be great. Great for mom to catch up with friends and great for kiddos to learn so much. I try my best not to be too hands-on during these because parents trying to completely control play date environments can have a negative impact, in my opinion. Again, I think it’s important for my kids to learn to interact without me constantly directing; easier said than done.  Sharing, taking turns, gentle touches…these are all things that are top of mind and can be complete struggles during play dates…but they are also lessons that my children need to learn to succeed in this world. I step in when I need to, but it’s shocking how kids at such young ages can be so beautifully capable of working certain situations out on their own.

So there you have it, my personal list… and I have to say, writing it out makes me feel confident about the path we are taking with our little ones.  I don’t think we, as parents, give ourselves enough credit for the “basic” things we do on a daily basis and how they positively affect our children.  You’re out there hitting the pavement hard, mamas.  But whether you have your kids home or in daycare, the things you do day to day, in and out, are making a difference…not just for your kids, but for society as a whole, my kids included…so thank you.  xo