Finding Out Baby’s Gender: What We Did Differently

Finding Out Baby's Gender: What We Did Differently
Photo Courtesy: Gina Zeidler

When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first baby, we immediately launched into a discussion on if we wanted to find out the baby’s gender. My hubby and I are very similar in many ways so it wasn’t a surprise that we both felt a leaning toward wanting to know if we were having a boy or a girl.

In typical fashion, we asked a lot of our friends and family about their own experiences and whether or not they recommended finding out. One couple we know who had just had a baby, said they found out but kept the gender a surprise for everyone else. They talked about how great it was for them to know but to still have something to surprise friends and family with when the baby was born. The more we thought about it, the more my husband and I loved the idea. I personally couldn’t imagine going all 9 months without knowing, but I love a good surprise as well. This seemed like the perfect middle ground!

When our 20-week ultrasound rolled around, we found out the gender but didn’t share it with anyone. Instead, we decided to share our choices for boy and girl names, letting everyone know they would have to wait until March 1st to find out what name we would end up using.

Now that we’re in the home stretch of this pregnancy, we’ve gotten a lot of questions about whether or not we would recommend this method for others. My answer? Absolutely! Sure, it’s been incredibly difficult not to slip up and say “he” or “she” when talking to friends and family, and we certainly haven’t done a perfect job. However, there have been some major benefits as well! Here are a few:

It’s Practical
When you don’t share your baby’s gender you get many more items from your registry. I don’t mean this to sound materialistic, but when you’re expecting your first baby there is a lot of necessary gear that needs to be purchased one way or another. When people don’t know if you’re having a boy or girl they tend to stick with what you have on the registry rather than buying cute outfits. Plus, the gear you do get is gender-neutral in color, meaning you can use it for future children of different genders!

Décor is Easier
I’ve always been drawn to gender-neutral nurseries and décor. From the beginning, I knew I wanted to create a nursery space that had some baby-friendly softness but didn’t stick out from the rest of our house and design style. We decorated the nursery before finding out our baby’s gender, but knowing that people would be looking at the nursery for clues as to whether we were having a boy or girl kept us honest in our mission to create a nursery that worked for either gender.

It’s Unusual
I’ve found it to be a lot of fun to do something a little off the beaten path. It’s a conversation starter, for sure, and I really enjoyed sharing both our choices for boy and girl names with everyone. Additionally, since this baby is going to be the sixth grandchild on my husband’s side in the last 4 years, it’s been fun to differentiate from what’s been done before.

Have any of you done something similar? I would love to hear what you thought of your experience! 

Photo Courtesy of Gina Zeidler

Madison Mayberry Hofmeyer is a wife to Joe and food editor (yes, that’s a real job!) for The Betty Crocker Kitchens living in Edina. They are expecting their first baby in March who will join their two fur babies, dogs Nutmeg and Pippa.


  1. Good for you! For my first child, we did something similar- only we didn’t tell anyone we found out! We figured we would cave under the pressure, so we just said we were “team green” (which was our original plan…until we caved at the anatomy scan). It was so much fun! I went on to have 2 more kids and we were surprised with one and did a gender reveal party with the last- I can say with certainty, there is no wrong way to do it! Each one was special, amazing and exciting. 🙂

  2. I wrote a blog about this too — with many more reasons to keep it a surprise, including a couple that match yours. 🙂

    I also think it’s incredibly fun to not know — and I explain why here:

    (I never, ever tell people my baby names beforehand, because then you inevitably get “feedback” that can jade your choices… but amazingly, after the baby is born and named, nobody dares make a comment about your name choice. I prefer it that way!) 🙂

  3. With our first, my husband and I waited until about a month before she was born to find out the gender. I had had 2 showers prior and received nothing pink or blue and all gender neutral “big stuff”. The last shower occurred after the gender reveal and it looked like Pepto Bismo – every single clothing item was coated in pink. And no big stuff.

    From a practical standpoint, I agree that baby showers seemed to be more of “what you need” and less clothes prior to gender reveal.

    However with all parenting decisions, go with your gut. If you want to find out, great! If not, then don’t. And as my wise dad has told me on numerous occasions, “just worry about yourself and don’t worry about anyone else”… Stressing about what people think won’t solve anything!


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here