Finding Joy in Our Children’s Obnoxious Stages

I love my son. I know I don’t need to start off by saying that, but obviously I have some lingering guilt in regards to the subject I’m writing about, and declaring my love for him helps me feel a bit better. So, now that we’ve made that clear, we can be honest about this latest stage of, ah-hum, development that our little one has reached.

I’ve been known to call it: the obnoxious stage.

It’s not the first time we’ve used this adjective as parents, but this time around I’ve experienced a note worthy change of heart of sorts. 

Lately, our six-year old has become very loud. Loud and wild and, well, downright obnoxious at times. It’s rather incredible how much energy and battiness can fit in our tiny house these days.

But somehow he manages to do it. He fits it into mealtime, homework time, playtime, quiet time (ha, just kidding, we don’t have much of that), snuggle time, bedtime, car time. His energy and excitement throughout the day reaches into every corner of our lives. Our quiet introvert has found a way to make his presence known in a real big way these days.

It’s been surprisingly hard because I absolutely love being around our son. He’s by far the coolest kid I know and my favorite little person to be around. I love the kid to pieces and think he’s got a billion awesome qualities going on. But while I love being around our son, it can be hard to be around obnoxious.

And sometimes obnoxious and annoying seems to border on the line of disrespect.

Here’s how it tends to go down these days: Hey bud, can you keep it down over there?

Six-year old responds by amping up his voice or potty talk a few decibels beyond the threshold of my patience and I typically stand frozen, unsure of who this kid is now, as my blood boils with fear that this is going to be our new normal. That, perhaps, he will always be obsessed with bodily functions and toilets and jumping on furniture and I may just need to take cover for the rest of my life so I don’t get hit by any flying objects. I don’t always know how to respond with love and patience, or how to respond at all.

And that’s when I lose it. “Disrespect! Downright disrespect,” I look over and scowl to my husband one day. 

Then, after patiently enduring the new level of intensity our little guy has brought into our lives and bearing with my own impatience, my husband says to me, “I don’t think he’s trying to be disrespectful. I think he’s just a normal six-year old acting like a six-year old.”

I stood in silence, thinking to myself, I’m the educator with a degree in Early Childhood Education. I’m supposed to be the expert on this subject. Let me tell you what’s really going on. 

I had nothing better to say.

But that was all it took. All it took for me to stop in my impatient tracks and step back and watch our son do his thing. His six-year old, lively, loud and magnificent thing that he won’t do forever because he won’t be a little boy forever.

And that’s when my impatience turned to an eagerness to slow life down and savor this age as much as I can. That was all it took for me to realize that his energy is actually evidence that he’s happy. His ability to screech in off-the-chart volumes is actually his way of finding his voice in this big world. His silliness at bedtime and other supposedly “calm” times in our day is his way of expressing his joy in the moment.

Our son is happy and playful and joyful and is bursting at the seams with a love for life in a way that extinguishes my impatience and exhaustion upon contact (most of the time). But first I needed to realize that he’s normal and this stage won’t last forever. That our six-year old will not grow up to be a grown man one day who walks into his place of work and passes gas on his co-worker’s lap, laughing hysterically as he screeches through the halls, colliding with his boss while jumping on his desk.

He may do that now, but one day he’ll be a responsible and respectful adult. Thank goodness.

I also realized that while he’s sitting in school each day displaying his best behavior for his teachers, he must be holding on for the moment he can walk into our door and release who he truly is on us; a sweet and sassy little wild-hearted boy. I’m grateful we’re his people that he shares all of who he is with. Even if it comes at us a little loud. 

I will take all that and I will love all that if it means he’s healthy and happy and right where he’s supposed to be in life. And I know as he gets older there will be more stages that we will need to assess and learn to appreciate and love. But we’ll tackle those when they come.

For now I will snuggle in with him and kiss his little forehead as much as I can at night and laugh with him and be silly with him because that’s where we are in life, and I won’t wish a single moment of this time away for anything else. Our son’s latest stage has become my joy, the excitement to my day, the fun I had been missing out on, the tear that drips down my cheek at the end of the day because I know it won’t last forever.

One day I’ll miss this.

So, bring all your energy and love for life, little guy. We will join you in this part of your journey…because goodness knows, this is, by far, the most joyful time we’ve shared together.