Embracing Milestone Birthdays

There is something about milestone birthdays that make it the perfect opportunity to reflect on your life. Turning 27 or 34 is considered no big deal, chalked up to “just another year”… but turning any number that ends in a big ZERO really makes you pause and take stock in where you have been and where you are headed.

Very soon, there will be 40 candles on my birthday cake and I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I know some of you are probably thinking that turning 40 sounds awfully dreadful, but I honestly couldn’t be more thrilled.

I remember turning 30 and feeling a little disappointed. I was not living the life I had always dreamed of. When I was a little girl, I was going to live a life of refined sophistication. I would have 4 children, 1 boy and 3 girls. A house with a porch and picket fence. My husband would work and I would stay at home. On weekends, we would go to neighborhood parties and in the summer we would take elaborate vacations. Life would be easy and relatively stress free.

This dream I had visualized for my life could not be further from my current reality. Instead, I live a life of chaotic domestication. I have 2 children, both boys. Our house is lovely, but has no porch or yard to be fenced in. We need 2 incomes to live on, and even that doesn’t feel like enough sometimes. Our weekends revolve around sports schedules and running errands. Our summer vacations are spent at a simple cabin on the lake. Life often feels impossible and most days are harried and stressful.

But something happened in my 30s that completely changed my view on getting older.

A close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. I saw a disease wreak havoc on her body and tear away at her soul. She had to make decisions that no one in their 30s (nor any age) should have to make. It was an absolute honor to walk beside my friend during this journey, to support her and attend doctors appointments with her. I held her hand while receiving bad news and we spent hours researching treatment options side by side. It tore me apart to see her suffering, to know the anguish she was feeling while caring for her small children with a plethora of unanswered questions about her future and theirs. She has never complained about having cancer, not even once.

During this time, I began to feel hideously guilty for being disappointed in my life and for wishing things were different. I now shudder at the scarcity I once viewed my life with. Like it wasn’t worthy because it didn’t live up to the standards I had once envisioned for me. I began to feel shame for wanting to quietly turn 1 year older so as not to draw attention to the ideals I had not yet achieved, instead of being grateful for the abundant blessings in my life.

Life is a gift and it should be celebrated, regardless of what we have accomplished or how it aligns with our hopes and dreams. We are all works in progress. My precious friend is still here with us and unfortunately cancer still occupies a place in her body, but she will not let it take up residence in her spirit. She is living life to the fullest and thankful for each new sunrise as it brings one more day that she can spend with her family and friends. I know she would give anything to add another big ZERO to her age, so I will dedicate mine to hers.

I wish with all my heart that it didn’t take a cancer diagnosis to teach me to embrace birthdays.

I will never again regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

Shine On-

Karri