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Twin Cities Mom Collective

Don’t Judge a Mom by her Facebook Page

Don't Judge a Mom by her Facebook Page | Twin Cities Moms Blog

Are you guilty of it? Judging a mom by her Facebook page?

Click Click.

“Look at how sweet and put together her children ALWAYS look.”

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“Her husband bought her flowers AGAIN.”

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“How does she manage to keep her house so clean ALL THE TIME, I must be doing something wrong.”

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“Must be nice to be able to take a vacation. We never get to go anywhere.”

Listen moms, I adore Facebook. It is my window into my friends’ and family’s lives. Especially when mine gets busy, all I have to do is log into Facebook and instantly I am able to connect with those whom I love and miss.

But if I am not careful, I can easily get sucked into the comparison game of motherhood. Comparing lifestyles, comparing every day activities, and even comparing their spending abilities to my own. Not only can I get myself into a funk, I am also not able to fully see my friend for who she is.

It is a dangerous trap. And it is a misleading one.

What you and I see on our friend’s Facebook page is a series of half truths.  Often the lie is in what we can’t see…

Yes, her children look cute and sweet, but they are also being bribed to take that photo because your friend was desperate for just one, nice picture of her kids. And if it takes a trip to the ice cream parlor SO. BE. IT. Haven’t we all succumbed to bribery before? I know I have and often do. But a picture doesn’t share the tears, arguments, and tantrums that occurred before it was taken.

Those flowers? Maybe they were given as a kind, “ I have been working so much lately, while you have been holding the fort down alone, and I miss spending time with you” gesture. Maybe your friend is lonely, exhausted, and too embarrassed to say that all she wants is a little break from her kids and time alone with her spouse. A picture doesn’t share her loneliness.

That clean house? Perhaps it is just an illusion. It is so easy to push aside clutter and mess so the spotlight is on that cute chubby little baby instead of the Cheerios crushed into the carpet. I personally am a pro at this shove and hide method. Maybe her house overwhelms her just as much as it overwhelms you! Just maybe all she wants is a morning to clean, organize, and put everything back together, even if it lasts just a short while. Or maybe all she wants is a good friend to come over, ignore the mess, and talk together over a hot cup of coffee. Her need to breathe? A picture doesn’t share that.

Their vacation? Was months of saving and sacrifice. It is a rare, and special treat that they are so happy and thankful for. For the past two years they have turned down dinners out, and other luxuries just so their kids could dip their toes in the ocean for the first time and meet Mickey Mouse. A picture doesn’t share that joy or that excitement.

What I have been learning is that behind every Facebook page there sits a genuine heart. A mother who wants to be loved and heard. Certainly not judged by the pictures she posts and the little stories she shares. Certainly, not compared with your life to her own.

She just wants to be known. Really known.

If you want a real glimpse into your friend’s life, pick up the phone and call her. Make plans to get together over coffee. Ask her about that special vacation. Ask her how she is doing with her husband’s new job. Ask her how she is really doing. Everything on Facebook may appear to be going wonderfully (and it certainly might be), but what if it isn’t?

What if you and I can be the listening ears and hearts that our friend needs? Close Facebook and seek out that sweet friend now.

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