This past week I had a very sick baby with a double ear infection and upper respiratory infection. She needed to be out from daycare for three whole days. Luckily, my husband was able to stay home two days with her and I was able to stay home the third day.
This really got me thinking about single moms. I thought to myself… how do single moms do this? A single mom would have needed to take three days off of work. What if they didn’t have three days of vacation to use? What if they didn’t have a relative in town to help them watch their sick baby? What would they do?
Now before I go on writing this post I want to make it very clear that I in no way, shape, or form know what it is like to be a single mom. I have not walked in those shoes and I’m not here to pretend I know what it is like. But I can imagine. I can imagine what it must be like, and I want to tell all the single moms out there… I commend you.
You are the ones waking up every single night with your baby when they can’t sleep and still put in a full day at work the next day. You are the ones that take your children to the doctor when they are sick. You are the ones that rush from work to make it to their soccer game. And sometimes you might have to miss that game because you have to work.
You do all the grocery shopping, the dishes, the laundry, the house cleaning, and the bills. You give your kids their baths, cook their dinner, and put them to bed every single night. You read them books, help them with their homework, and wipe away their tears if they’ve had a bad day.
You are strong and brave. You all have different stories of becoming single mothers; stories that have shaped you into who you are today. What you do on a daily basis is a beautiful thing. An exhausting thing. A tremendous thing. A selfless thing. That’s what motherhood is, but for those that do it on their own I want to give you a special shout out today. What you do does not go unnoticed and I want you to know how much I respect what you do.
When I think about single mothers I feel even more passionately about the importance of building a community of moms who support each other. We need to be there to relate to one another and to lean on one another. The same goes for single dads too.
Are you a single mom? I’d love to hear your story!
18 comments
Thank you for writing this blog. This really made my morning. I am a single mom to my 16 month year old daughter Franki. She has had a tuff couple months with a double ear infection which was followed by an allergic reaction to amoxicillin called Serum Sickness that lasted 2 weeks. A week later she got another ear infection w temps of 103-104. I had to commute from Elk River down to Burnsville because that is where my sister and her husband live and they are my only family around the area. I own my own salon in Burnsville. Being a single mom and having my own salon is both rewarding and challenging with being though only parent. Having the flexibility and to rearrange my schedule when I need to is great. With all the sickness she has had. It also is very stressful because when I’m not there I am not making money. The last two months I have struggled with making my daughter first priority when all I can think about is not going into work. She has the stomach bug and I had to move my clients around yesterday as well. I have the best clients and have been through this crazy time in my life with. Every single mom has their story. Doesn’t matter what it is. It’s a hard job and somedays I want to give up. I want to take it all out on Franki because I didn’t ask for this life. But I also wouldn’t change it. She has changed me for the better. I face the challenge of finding help in the evenings because that is when my clients come in and those are my busy times. My sister who commutes down from Elk River to Eden Prairie every Thursday to pick up my daughter and watch her for 10 hours and then brings her home is 7 months pregnant and I don’t know what I’m gonna do once she has this baby for daycare on those evenings. My parents live 2 1/2 hrs away and commute every other weekend to watch my daughter so that I can work weekends. I have an amazing support system but at times can’t help but feel alone. I thank you for writing this. I really needed this this morning. 🙂
Stephanie, I am so glad this post helped to lift you up. Please keep reminding yourself that you are an amazing mother and you were given Franki (love that name by the way!) for a reason. And to know that you own and run your own salon at the same time…that is extremely impressive! Motherhood is a crazy ride. I have a 12 month old and I’ve never been so stretched, challenged, exhausted, frustrated, yet grateful and happy in my life. When they are sick and you have to go to work and take care of everything else it’s hard to see the light. Know you are NEVER alone. Like I said in my post, what you single mothers do every day is so amazing. You are all an inspiration to me and I make it a point to think of you every day. Stay strong and keep giving lots of snuggles and love to Franki!
I just want to say ‘thank you’. Your line that says ‘you are noticed’ brought on the waterworks. Needed that. Thank you!
Thank you for the post. I’m a single mother of two special needs girls that are 7 years apart. I was forced to give up a lot from my home to my business just to be able to home school them to meet their special needs, therapies and to give the one on one they desperately needed. I tried the public school system and doctors and running around everywhere, running a business, volunteering for 11 years and going to college part time. I became exhausted by all the demands. Life is a little easier and simpler now, times are hard still. On top of all these things I have several painful medical issues I deal with daily. I do have 2 brothers and a mom that live nearby but we’re not all that close. My mom and brothers also work. The only time we get together is when I set up parties for birthday’s and holidays. Now that my girls are getting older, 9 and 15, they still need me but not nearly as much as before. I’m trying to start up another business selling things and decorating this last year. In just this last year though I’ve been dealing with a lot from caring for my mom through her surgery for a hysterectomy (had stage 1 cancer) and then a heart stent and blood clots, caring for my youngest who has epilepsy, autism and learning disabilities, my oldest whose in pain daily with a cyst, is hearing impaired and learning disabled and I’ve had issues with cysts and still trying to figure out what is causing my leg to swell, be red and painful (since Sept 2014). We’re trying to get involved in our community again, lose weight and keep ourselves together and I’m the sole caregiver when anyone needs anything I’m expected to be there. It’s tough starting a business or even thinking about work much less all the other things, 10 doctor appointments we have in this month alone. Again, thanks for the post. It’s nice to see someone appreciate just the thought of what others may be going through. It’s a rare trait these days and very nice to hear. Hope your little one gets well and stays well. Good luck!
Karen,
Wow what a story! To know that you are caring for not only your special needs children, but other family members too, is an incredible thing. It sounds like you have some potential health concerns as well with your leg. I hope this isn’t something serious and you can find some time for yourself between your busy schedule and family’s doctor appointments. It’s very hard to do as a mother, but we need to nurture our health and our souls. You deserve that time to recharge. I wish you the best of luck with getting back to starting your business.You are doing an amazing job juggling everything you do and I am confident if you continue to persevere everything will fall into place for you. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Kristen
I’m a single mom to a single ventricle heart kiddo. He is my one and only. He has a condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. I have no family in town, and his father has made no attempt at all to be a part of this spectacular kiddos life, which is fine for me. I never have to think about finding ways to go to the store, or our countless doctors appointments, k just do it because I love him and I’m so happy he’s in my life. I’ve never dwelled on any negative aspect of our lives. He is fighting to be alive and will do so his entire life. He’s had one open heart surgery (at 13 days old) and we are now waiting for his second of three scheduled open heart surgeries. These will get him into adolescent years where he will need a transplant. To say our life has made being single minuscule is an understatement. It has TRULY put the “mommy wars” and non support that happens between women/mothers a very frustrating thing to witness. I worried so much when I found out I was pregnant, with my ex boyfriends child. I was a pre med student working at REI in marketing and loving the life I had set up. I thought being a single mom would be the absolute end of the world. I was crushed and so not ready. All of the woes of being single weighed heavily on my mind and heart until October 30, 2014 when my baby was diagnosed with HLHS in utero. None of it was relevant anymore. I am not working, and have since switched to online schooling to be able to stay home with him eventually. Not that I am trying to one up any single mother, not my intention. What I want is for single moms to realize it’s all ok, because you have a beautiful life that needs you and looks up to you. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life despite a congenital heart defect trying to rip that away. Being a single mom is the great privilege I have ever had and I am going to work my absolute hardest to make sure I do the very best for my child. I am lucky enough to be a part of a mom group that is unlike any other I’ve been in….all kinds of moms and we are able to join together in a positive way and influence and encourage one another….that would be incredible if moms all over could drop the mom wars and realize that each and every one of us moms has a difficult job, but also the most incredibly amazing job as well!
Nicole,
I absolutely love your outlook and positive attitude! You are right. We all have these beautiful little lives that look up to us. Your amazing attitude will be the best thing for your son! I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so happy you are part of a mom group that can give you support and encouragement! It is so important for all of us mothers to stick together. You are right…the mom wars do indeed need to stop. It’s mothers like you that will get us all to a better place by the strength and compassion you show!
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Kristen
Thank you for this 🙂 my soon to be ex husband decided he didn’t want the responsibility of a family. He wanted drinking, video games and is buddies. He willingly went 9 weeks without seeing our son. I have primary placement and he gets short supervised visits. He spends his time partying, playing video games and trying to pick up easy women. I hate him for making me be a single mom, I wasn’t prepared for it. I wake up every night with my 19 month old son because he has been having nightmares since his first visit with his had. I take him to every doctor appointment, pay for everything for him. But I don’t want the negatives to stick out. I also get every morning smile, I get to hear him say new words every day, I see him play, and learn and grow. I get to be his everything until he is old enough to take care of himself. Would I have preferred having my family remain whole? Yes. But being a single mom has shown me my true strength. I am strong, I am Momma Bear. I can do it all 🙂
Rachael,
You are right! You are a strong mama! Continue to stay strong and enjoy every moment that you get with your son. You do get to be the receiver of every morning smile of his…what a beautiful blessing!
Good for you for not focusing on the negatives of the situation. You can’t control the choices of your soon to be ex, so the best thing to do is to focus on the most precious man in your life…your son. 🙂 You will raise him to be an amazing man. He will be so grateful one day once he is old enough to understand everything that you did for him.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Kristen
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m crying like a baby right now. Most of my friends are SAHMs. I love them but every time I hear a complaint about how they are stressed or their husbands won’t help I want to scream! Don’t get me wrong, we all have our own battles but it’s frustrating. I was married to my sons father. We had a great marriage built on what I thought was mutual respect and similar life goals. After we had our son he freaked, he couldn’t handle it. This came to a shock to everyone including me…especially me. He gave some lame analogy about always thinking he wanted a cat then he took off! Just disappeared. I had an infant and a broken heart. Now my son his four. His dad gets him when it’s convenient. We go through stages that he doesn’t see him and stages that he is dad of the year! At the end of the day it mostly just me and my little guy. I love my life! I don’t date too much because I haven’t been up for the stress or the drama. I certainly am not one to drag my sweet little man to a babysitter so I can have mediocre conversation and cheesy attempts of flirting. I’d rather be cooking my little mans favorite meal and hearing about his day. It is rewarding being a single parent as well as exhausting, frustrating, and infuriating. Single parents have a bond with their children that is like no other. Sadly no matter how young they are they get someone bailed on them and they hold you so much tighter. My, just now, four year old is so protective of me and is always trying to do for me what I do for him. I hate that. I hate that my baby feels like he needs to be anything other than a kid but no matter how tough I am or how much I never show my struggles he is intuitive. I think it’s the closeness of being an only child to a single mom requires.
Maggie,
It’s so hard to hear others complain about their situations when we feel they have it easier than ourselves. I am sure your SAHM friends don’t even realize they are frustrating you when they say things like that. Nonetheless, I can totally see how hard that must be for you! It’s easier said than done, but don’t let it get to you. Mom’s make so many comments that offend or bother other moms. So many people just don’t think before they speak. It’s one of the biggest complaints I hear from my other mom friends…
It sounds like you do a wonderful job of giving your son is consistency and stability. I’m sure you have a bond that is so very special. Keep it up mama!
Thank you for sharing your story!
Kristen
Thank you, being an unexpected single mom to my 2 daughters now ages 1 and 3 is such a joy while I’m nurturing them, but when their father who out of the blue to me, was discovered having an affair left and filed for divorce and outwardly dates and calls the mistress his girlfriend, I am now a sahm that has to fight in court to keep the mistress away from my daughter’s at least until the divorce is final since she had been introduced to my baby’s many times when I was blind to the affair and he and she feel there is nothing wrong with that. Having your babies taken from you for overnight visits with someone you can not trust is like having your heart beating outside your body, where you can’t be sure to protect them or how to keep it beating. If mistresses knew what the role of wife and mom to babies truly entailed I wonder if they could still justify helping married men leave their family for the greener grass, (8 yrs younger , never married but wants kids and marriage as soon as my divorce is final) grass that will likely also suffer with brown patches at times? Not having the support and love from your partner that you loved enough to create these beautiful children and being without a “family” as I hoped and planned is devastating. The care taking and keeping them smiling is tiring at times but is the best and easiest part for me 🙂 the emotional acceptance and confusion while grieving losing so much special time with my young daughters and having no choice legally but to release them to their father and accept the mistress taking over my roles in playing family with my husband and children while possibly steering them the wrong way, not carefully watching over them or nurturing them as I would or possibly harming them is my worst nightmare. As a mom I feel no one can love and nurture your babies as YOU do, so letting go earlier than expected is the heaviest cross I am bearing and don’t wish for anyone else to ever have to carry. May God bless and protect all children and moms and the sanctity of family values!
Unexpected Single Mom,
As I read your story I felt a pit in my stomach. I cannot even fathom what it must feel like to have to leave your children in the care of another person who you don’t know or trust. Someone that had a part in hurting your family unit. That must be gut wrenching.
It’s true, as mothers we feel that no one can love and nurture our children the way we do. That mom’s way is the best way. And to have to have a court/judge determine the amount of time you get with your children is something that brings tears to my eyes even thinking about.
I pray that this situation works in your favor, with the best possible outcome that you are seeking. Stay strong. Your children are very lucky to have a mother who loves them so much and who has the strength and perseverance to fight for them every step of the way!
I wish you the very best.
Kristen
I am a single mom of three girls one 15 one 13 and one 9 year old just last monthi was faced with the worat ive been faced with since my babies been in this world my 9 year old appendix ruptured qhich caused her to have to stay in the hospital for 7 days which meant i had to miss 7 days of work although im a store manager my manager was really on me about being at work it hurt my heart knowing i had to do tgis alone but im thankful knowing i had my sister who stay twenty min from me who could aee to my kids getting to achool while i was at the hospital with my baby. As a single mom i feel like giving up sometime but i look at how far ive come and i look in my girls eyes and i say i want give up god only place the atrong in certain situations and i i know he has a bigger plan for me and my babies
This could not have come at a better time! This week was the first week I have posted a FB status bragging about my accomplishment. I mean when you are able to write a 6 page paper, put together a 4 page team assignment, make lasagna for dinner, and still have time to play and cuddle with your adorable almost 1 year old after a full day of work its a major accomplishment. I didn’t know I was pregnant with my son until 30 weeks. That was almost 2 months after I moved home and was planning on filing for divorce. I was no where near interested in trying to save our marriage at that point and the day after I told him he asked me what my plan was. It was at that point where I realized I was going to be doing this 100% on my own and have been ever since.His dad came home near my due date but left 3 days before he was born. My son was born perfect in every single way even after no prenatal care and tremendous stress I was going through while pregnant. I have remained in college full time and will be graduating in June with my little guy in the audience. We are in the process of finding our own place after spending his first year living with family. 8 hours of every day are spent at work Monday- Friday where I use breaks and down time to get stuff done like errands or school work. The evenings are when we go to the park, play peekaboo, snuggle, and chase our puppies around. One of my best friends commented on this article on facebook and tagged me in it saying single moms are superheros. I have never really thought all of the stuff I do as being a supermom or impressive. To me this is what every single mom does because there is always a little person who needs you as much as you need them.
Thank you for this uplifting post. I have had primary custody of my son since he was 4 years old and his father decided he would rather chase tail then have a family. My son is now going on 8 years old. We have different challenges as my son is older, however he has severe ADHD, ODD, and other mental disorders that cause him to act out if not properly medicated and participating in therapy.
Some days I feel discouraged when I have so much to do at home, work 2 jobs, and care for him exclusively on top of that. But when he brings home straight A’s, or learns a new coping strategy… It’s all worth it. He keeps me busy with sports, school, and working, but everyday is worth it.
Most days when I think about being a single mom I feel one of two ways. I either feel sorry… Sorry that his father is stupid enough to miss out on so much of his life. Sorry that he has anger issues and distrusts people because of the things his father has put him though and sorry that chances are, that will never change. But… I mostly feel lucky. Lucky to spend everyday with him, lucky he is healthy and smart and active, lucky he is caring and kind and everything you want a child to be even with his issues. And I feel lucky to have him all to myself.
We are blessed now to have my fiancé in our lives and he has really stepped up and made differences for my son and myself. But the single parent struggles are so real.
So reading this and being a single mom to my 6 ADHD son, I’m thinking, YEAH! So nice to hear and honestly I hear this from my family and friends who aren’t single parents. It does make me feel good to hear that they think I’m so great. But honestly, I’m not a not anything special either. Yes, occasionally when I hear my friends or family complain about how frustrated and tired they are and they have a husband to help them out. Even though my sons dad was with me until our son turned 2, I’ve always had to do it on my own, he never really helped and honestly I get more of a break when he takes him once every other weekend then when we were together. My son never got to choose to have a single parent and never I wanted that for my child either, but its all we’ve ever known and I do what I have to do to for my son because thats what you do when you become a parent. You give up everything for your child. I’m just a mom doing what any other mother would do. I never wanted any extra sympathy or props from anyone, I just want to be viewed as any other mother (married or otherwise).