Dear Daughters,
If you haven’t realized it yet, the world expects a lot of you. I am so sorry about that. There is a lot of unnecessary pressure on your little shoulders, and if I could, I would unburden you from it in a heartbeat.
But I can’t.
Your school expects you to apply yourself vigorously, to go above and beyond your requirements. To reach for the stars, so to speak. You are expected to get straight A’s, and have an unblemished attendance record. You are told that if you don’t succeed academically today, that your tomorrow may look bleak and uncertain. And while I do believe that it is important to try your very best, to work hard, and to be proud of what you are learning; you are only 6 and 11- Harvard and Yale should not be on your radar yet.
Your friends may expect you to act a certain way. To look a certain way. To dress a certain way. To style your hair a certain way. You are taught that if you don’t reach perfection in your appearance, then you aren’t as lovable, as likable, or as accepted as your peers. This fact alone, breaks my heart. There is no perfect appearance. We all are so unique and different from each other, there is no perfect equation to beauty. You are beautiful the way you are. Your freckles, your pixie nose, your blue, blue eyes- beauty. Period.
We, (your parents), expect you to behave appropriately. To keep your room clean, to keep your grades up, to do your chores, and to be kind and loving to those around you. Sometimes though, our expectations of you don’t line up to your maturity and age. Sometimes we forget that we all make mistakes and need grace and forgiveness in our day to day. We lecture instead of listen. We discipline instead of understanding. I am so sorry that sometimes we expect more of you than we should.
You, sadly, expect the most of yourself. I see your frustration when you make a mistake. I hear your harsh critiques of yourself. You, my love, forget to give yourself grace.
Let me let you in on a little secret…
You are beautiful and kind. You are intelligent and responsible. You are our biggest pride. We love you.
But.
Darling, in all your goodness, “You are not perfect.”
You will make mistakes. You will fail. You will screw up. Again. Again. And again.
And that’s ok. That is more than ok.
We don’t expect perfection from you, and neither should you expect it from yourself. Simply because that expectation will only lead to disappointment, frustration and defeat.
I want you to see yourself the way we see you, daughter; full of life and love. We see your determination, your creativity and your strength. We see a daughter that is willing to make mistakes and try again next time. We see a daughter that is beautiful despite her short-comings and beautiful messes.
We see you. Your weaknesses, your strengths, your imperfections.
And we love you deeply and entirely.
Always,
Mom. xo
