Dating Your Husband Again

Will this phase ever end?… was what I was thinking a year ago.

When will me and my husband just be us again?

[Image credit: Chelsie Lopez]

Don’t get me wrong. Our kids are still having their meltdowns, it’s impossible to get them out of the door every morning, fed at night, games turned off and in bed… and yet somehow after all being home in quarantine together for a few (what felt like never-ending) months, we’ve found that fun in us again.

Without verbally telling my husband Jamie, I decided to start to pretend like I was dating him again.

I wondered – What if instead of snapping, yelling, or giving him the silent treatment, I treated him just like how I did when we were dating?

I know, I know… it all sounds exhausting, and I’m sure like me you’ve heard this a million times. But I decided to give it a try, simply one thing at a time. What was the worst that could happen?

I decided to ask my hubby out on a date and forget about how he hasn’t done that in what feels like 5 years.

I decided no matter how bad of a day I had I was going to come home and serve my husband and kids. Not grumble in the chaos and bring everyone else down.

[Image credit: Chelsie Lopez]

I decided even though he farts in bed all night long, to put an outfit on like I did regularly when we were newlyweds.

I decided we were going on a trip, spontaneously again! We did this when we were dating but once kids came, everything was about the money and how we didn’t “need” to take any weekends away for fun.

I decided to schedule a tee time and take him out golfing with just us.

I decided to start giving him compliments and flattering him instead of asking why he still owns that American Eagle shirt from high school.

And then something magical happened.

One week, every single day, Jamie told me I looked pretty, called me a sexy momma.

He took me out on a date. He did the dishes without me having to say one word. He helped me get the boys out the door without me asking.

[Image credit: Chelsie Lopez]

And when all these things started pouring in, I made sure I took the time to say, Thank you. Look him in the eyes and truly mean it.

I started thinking about all the things, not what he was or had been doing, but what I was doing. Things I would have never done when we were dating or even newlyweds. And just simply asking myself, why? What had led to those choices for change? And then as I was realizing these things I had started doing to put stress on our marriage, I started apologizing, which would in turn lead to good, meaningful conversations.

Although we have never fallen out of love, our relationship is different than it was at the beginning. A lot of things have evolved for the better, but some for the worse.

During these last few months of COVID, we’ve realized we’ve been home together more than we ever have in the past. We’ve taken the time to sit down and have every family meal together. Have conversations. Simply slow down.

I asked Jamie the other day while driving home together, “At any point in our relationship has divorce even crossed your mind?” He replied, “No, never.”

It reminded me that even though our marriage isn’t perfect, nor will it ever be, to make sure I’m also keeping myself in check because that is something I hope that never does cross either one of our minds.

And with baby #3 on the way, I know we both are going to have to put that much more effort into choosing to date one another every. single. day.

My brother actually reminded me the other day… if your marriage is strong, your kids will be more than alright. Essentially, that my priority should be to take time with husband, continuously choose him even when the kids’ needs seem never-ending.

Jamie and I are starting with once a month, we go on a date; and once a year, we go on a vacation with just the two of us.

When was the last time you tried dating your spouse?

I encourage you all to join me and give it a try.

[Image credit: Chelsie Lopez]