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Twin Cities Mom Collective

Ambiverted Mama

Ambiverted Mama | Twin Cities Moms Blog

The question of being an introvert or an extrovert has always paralyzed me. Um…a little of both? How could I choose? Were people really all one or all the other all the time?

Nevertheless, because of groups I was in, books I studied, and conversation in general, I felt forced to choose. So I would find the nearest personality test and immediately be confronted with statements such as:

I feel comfortable in groups and enjoy working with them. Yeah, sure, I like people. I mean, wait, it depends on the type of group. Are these people I know or don’t know? Hold up, I actually can’t stand some people. Maybe I don’t like groups after all…

I feel comfortable being alone and like things I can do on my own. Absolutely! Phew! Enough of that group stuff. Except, I can’t be alone all the time. I mean, after being alone for awhile I kind of want someone to talk to.

I get bored when I’m by myself. Bored, are you kidding me?!? There are so many things to do! Books to read, Netflix shows to binge-watch, coloring books to color, baking to enjoy, podcasts that need a listen! Those things would keep me occupied for an entire weekend! I mean, not an entire weekend. I’m going to need some social interaction at some point. I also have to get dressed and leave the house or I’ll go bananas. So, no…but yes?

I talk to a lot of different people at parties. Yes! That is, usually. It is nice to talk to a variety of people. Well, unless I get a really good conversation going with a person or two and then I could get sucked into that and forget everything else. Really, it depends on the type of party. Is there cake at this party? Wait, what was the question again?

As you can see, these questions end up very confusing for me. I’m none of these things all of the time. I’m living in the land of the both/and. I don’t mind talking to people and I also don’t mind being by myself. I can find plenty to keep myself occupied and I also need social stimulation. Small talk doesn’t really bother me, yet I would enjoy a deep conversation a whole lot more.

I always felt so on the fence and would usually qualify myself as an extrovert (mostly based on my ESFJ personality type), but felt weird doing so. In fact, one of the most recent personality tests I completed used a scale where one was pure introversion and 100 was complete extroversion. Where did I fall? A solid 51, of course.

This whole introvert/extrovert thing has left me feeling torn. Until fairly recently when I heard the term “ambivert.” Ambivert is defined as “one whose personality type is intermediate between extrovert and introvert.” Suddenly, everything clicked.

Ambiverted Mama | Twin Cities Moms Blog

It’s why I’m super excited to host a playdate and have everyone walk into my home, yet I’m equally excited to see them all leave.

It’s why sometimes at social events I am outgoing and chatty, until I’m not. My energy feels abruptly depleted and I want nothing more than to just go home.

It’s why I don’t particularly enjoy having overnight guests, because while I love to see you and take you around my city, 24+ hours is A LOT to have other people around.

It’s why I reached my limit recently, as my three energetic toddlers literally followed me around the house all the live-long day, running and laughing and questioning and screaming. No matter what I did I just couldn’t shake them, whether I was sorting laundry in the living room or doing dishes at the sink (ahem, attempting to). That much constant talking and touching and energy? TOO MUCH.

Perhaps most frustrating of all is that I’m not always sure what type of interaction I need on any given day. Some days I countdown to a mom’s night out, looking forward to it all day, only to realize once I arrive that I’m totally drained and would prefer a book and blanket to cocktails and conversation. Other days I feel exhausted, but force myself to put on those jeans and mascara and wind up having a blast, finding myself completely reenergized.

I’m becoming better at recognizing what I need, though as a mom it’s not always easy to find the time. Those introverted, cozy-up-and-nest tendencies aren’t quite as easy to nurture with three active toddlers around.

The bright side is that I can be recharged in different ways. I’m not craving only social interaction or only total peace and quiet. My cup can be replenished by both a raucous playdate and a date night in, though my needs may change on any given day (or minute or hour…).

Introvert, extrovert, or ambivert like me, I hope you find a way to fill your own cup today, mama. Call that friend, binge-watch that show, throw that impromptu dinner party, or finish that book. Fill up that cup in your hand while you’re at it, whether with coffee, tea, water, or wine. I’ll be out there with my girlfriends, laughing as we chat over cocktails. Or not. Cheers!

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