I sometimes hear Beyoncé singing a different version of her hit song in my head. It goes like this:
All the single mamas! (All the single mamas)
All the single mamas! (All the single mamas)
Now hold your head high,
You’re gonna get through,
Don’t give up,
You’re doing Amazing!
Well, that is as far as my lyrical talents extend. No need to worry, there is no recording of my singing talents to this version. Reality is my theme song sounds more like “Jesus take the wheel.” I picture an emotional Carrie Underwood singing it, with mascara and eyeliner marks all around her eyes. She is dressed in two-day-old pajamas; her hair is a mess and getting oily again after too many days of utilizing dry shampoo.
{Photo Credit: Susan Coyne Photography}
It doesn’t matter how or why you are single parenting. Single parenting found me when my young husband died of colon cancer. For the last two years, the weight of responsibility for my (now) five and two year old has been heavy.
I see you, mamas, however you define yourself. Single, solo, however you came into parenting on your own. I am here to confirm you are absolutely doing amazing. You love your children more than life itself.
If you are a single mom, I bet you have heard before, “I don’t know how you do it.” Well, neither do we most days. We don’t have a choice; we have to do it all. Some days I am so proud of myself when I reflect and look at my handsome boys. Other days, most days, I wonder if my choices for our family are the right ones.
The single mom is on a quest to find herself. Maybe the quest is to find a partner, love, a special someone to share her children with. Perhaps it is to find a new career or her identity as a 30-something-year-old. In the midst of her life, she wears many hats.
The picture taker and memory keeper.
The one responsible for all the decisions. The big picture decisions like finances, where we will live, where they will go to school. And the day-to-day decisions like what is for supper, do they have clean clothes, do they need to take anything to daycare or school tomorrow?
The organizer and planner.
The fun parent. The comforter. The one who disciplines and is firm. The one juggling too many balls in the air because let’s be honest, raising children is the hardest (but also most rewarding) job in the world. There is a reason people say “it takes a village to raise children”.
Find those people who help make your village. Maybe they are family, friends, or moms from the preschool. They might even be moms you haven’t met yet at a park or a mom’s event.
I rely on help from my village; seek advice from other single parents and married parents. They both offer me valuable advice and reassurance. Daycare and teachers provide me with feedback that my sons are growing and thriving as they should be. The reassurance I need to know they will be okay.
To you, the single mama, raise your hands up. Repeat after me.
…hold your head high,
You’re gonna get through,
Don’t give up,
You’re doing Amazing!
