You know how you are pregnant, and then all of a sudden the horror stories start coming in from every angle from everybody? Everybody from your well-intentioned mother to the nosey stranger in the grocery store?
Horror stories such as:
“You KNOW you are NEVER going to sleep again?”
or
“Welcome to a life of spit up, diapers, and sweatpants.”
or
“Good luck every going on vacation. Easy street is over.”
Ugh. Those comments used to drive me crazy. Who does that? Why freak out a mom before she has even begun? It’s not helpful. It’s annoying.
Gulp.
I was that annoying mom the other day…
It occurred last Saturday. A friend and I were talking about parenting when we were waiting for our kids to finish up dance class.
Without realizing what I was doing, I opened up my big fat mouth. As the words came tumbling out, I tried very unsuccessfully to take them back. I failed. Miserably.
I am so sorry my sweet friend…
You see, she is a champion mama. She has five kids under the age of seven and is the kind of sweet, gentle soul you watch from afar, and can’t help but love. I hope I didn’t squash her spirit.
We were talking about parenting older children, and I said,
“You know, this age (referring to my almost 11 year old), is SO much harder than a newborn. Hands down, I am not even kidding.”
Why did I feel the need to express that? I don’t know. My intention was not to scare her. I probably just needed to be heard, to feel validated in my current struggles.
Right now, we are in the midst of parenting three “mini-bigs,” and some days are just so hard. There is no denying that mothering littles is physically exhausting.
But mothering mini-bigs? Not so much physically exhausting, as emotionally taxing.
My kid’s needs can no longer be satisfied by a bottle, a nap, or a diaper change. These growing little humans need so much more of me now than they did five years ago. And frankly sometimes I can’t always be the quick fix to their problems or the bandaid to their bruised emotions. It’s hard to see them wrestle with their growing maturity, their desire for more independence, and their needs be their own selves.
Sometimes at the end of the day, I go to bed just emotionally drained. Wondering did I listen enough? Was I compassionate to their needs? Are they ok? Did I give them enough space to learn and grow? Was I too eager and quick to rush in and fix their problems? Are they learning all they need to learn? Do they like me? (Yes. I do care if I am liked.) Are they well-adjusted? Are they taking on too much responsibility? Do they have enough responsibility? Do they know that they are loved?
And it goes on and on and on.
I am still losing sleep over these mini-bigs. My father-in-law, in jest, said that as parents those questions in the middle of the night do not EVER go away. Does not matter if your kids are 1, 10 , or 40. Parents worry. It’s just what we do.
I believe him.
But even still, I am a huge advocate of encouraging mothers in their day to day. Motherhood is a gift. Exhausting and challenging? Yes and yes. I absolutely do believe that it is important to be raw, honest and real about the hard stuff sometimes. But there is SO much more than that tough layer, and focusing just on the hard may be at the cost of seeing and embracing the good.
Which is why, I am regretful that the other day I didn’t focus more on the blessings of raising “mini-bigs.” Sweet friend, I apologize for not giving you a more accurate picture.
So let me tell you how I feel in entirety about the stage of parenting we are now in…
Raising my “mini-bigs” is wonderful. All three of my kids have grown into sweet, compassionate, and kind little people. They are fun to be around, and I learn a lot from them.
Sometimes bedtime gets forgotten as we are simply just hanging out together, talking about the good stuff, and enjoying each other’s company. I love that we can discuss a wide range of topics, including politics, theology, and Lady Gaga. Table talk over coffee? Can’t get enough.
Mini-bigs are huge helpers. The household work no longer sits just on my shoulders, but we all pitch in with dishes, making, lunches, and tidying up rooms. Mini-bigs remind me what I need to buy at the store and even help bringing the groceries into the house.
Mini-bigs are so much fun to watch as they grow and learn. I can spend hours watching one daughter dance and another daughter learning how to read. My son is full of interesting facts and research.
Mini-bigs make me laugh. Seeing the world from their eyes is humorous because they can find humor in the most ridiculous of things. Cottage cheese? Hilarious. Ear wax? Hysterical. Their Latin teacher? Don’t ask. They know how to lighten the mood; it’s a gift.
Mini-bigs are inspiring. They believe that they can be anyone they want and do anything they want. It’s so refreshing! The three of my children have actually inspired me to believe that the impossible is possible and worth striving for. I believe in them, but THEY believe in me.
Mini-bigs are loving and are not afraid to show it. I am lavished on the daily with hugs, kisses, and words of praise. They are very in tune with my feelings and needs. It is so amazing how timely their words of affection and encouragement are.
Quite honestly, just as I wasn’t ready to let go of the littles stage, I am just as reluctant to let go of the mini-big stage. These mini-bigs? They are my people. I love them. And I adore being their mama.
